Comments on: Relative Merits http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/2009/10/relative-merits/ The Showcase for Fiction Writers Thu, 02 Feb 2012 14:22:23 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Marcia Gunnett Woodard http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/2009/10/relative-merits/comment-page-1/#comment-1203 Marcia Gunnett Woodard Fri, 02 Dec 2011 13:23:23 +0000 http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/?p=231#comment-1203 Good story! I love exploring the concept that we'll never know what other's lives are like, since we don't live them. One suggestion I'd make would be to consider having Julia discover that she's being swapped by HER relatives, too, Very enjoyable story. Good story! I love exploring the concept that we’ll never know what other’s lives are like, since we don’t live them. One suggestion I’d make would be to consider having Julia discover that she’s being swapped by HER relatives, too, Very enjoyable story.

]]> By: Anne O'Connell http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/2009/10/relative-merits/comment-page-1/#comment-761 Anne O'Connell Wed, 16 Mar 2011 06:52:01 +0000 http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/?p=231#comment-761 Hi Barb, I loved this and found myself grinning all the way through it. I used to wish I could trade in my brother and even left a note to my parents one day that I was running away but would come back if they got rid of him. I wasn't about to ask for a trade-in though. As your story so beautifully illustrates, you never know what you might end up getting in exchange. Needless to say, we're all grown up now and I love him even though he drove me crazy when we were kids. I love the dumpster description as well! The thought of red eyes looking back at you gave me the creeps. Well done! Anne Hi Barb,
I loved this and found myself grinning all the way through it. I used to wish I could trade in my brother and even left a note to my parents one day that I was running away but would come back if they got rid of him. I wasn’t about to ask for a trade-in though. As your story so beautifully illustrates, you never know what you might end up getting in exchange. Needless to say, we’re all grown up now and I love him even though he drove me crazy when we were kids.

I love the dumpster description as well! The thought of red eyes looking back at you gave me the creeps. Well done!
Anne

]]> By: Hoping4astory http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/2009/10/relative-merits/comment-page-1/#comment-613 Hoping4astory Sun, 09 Jan 2011 01:30:58 +0000 http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/?p=231#comment-613 We value your thoughtful comments.What did you like/dislike?What would improve it? Great story! I liked the twist. We value your thoughtful comments.What did you like/dislike?What would improve it?
Great story! I liked the twist.

]]> By: Golda Mowe http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/2009/10/relative-merits/comment-page-1/#comment-229 Golda Mowe Wed, 07 Apr 2010 03:47:51 +0000 http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/?p=231#comment-229 I thought that the idea was excellent, although the ending was predictable because the extreme behavior of the characters who appear seems to lay the foundation for a "be grateful for what you have" lesson. If this was a novel-length story, the writer would have more opportunity to explore the idea of to-choose or to-adjust, which would be an interesting way to explore different views, ideologies or philosophies. Enjoyed reading it. I thought that the idea was excellent, although the ending was predictable because the extreme behavior of the characters who appear seems to lay the foundation for a “be grateful for what you have” lesson. If this was a novel-length story, the writer would have more opportunity to explore the idea of to-choose or to-adjust, which would be an interesting way to explore different views, ideologies or philosophies. Enjoyed reading it.

]]> By: bparham http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/2009/10/relative-merits/comment-page-1/#comment-189 bparham Mon, 22 Feb 2010 22:06:36 +0000 http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/?p=231#comment-189 This is outstanding. This is outstanding.

]]> By: Ms. Billie M. Spaight http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/2009/10/relative-merits/comment-page-1/#comment-112 Ms. Billie M. Spaight Wed, 23 Dec 2009 22:32:10 +0000 http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/?p=231#comment-112 Love the theme--it would make a fabulous Twilight Zone episode. It just goes to show that people are people everywhere and sometimes we can really annoy one another. I particularly like that, in some places, Julia herself seems to be annoying too, such as not having the patience to listen to other people. She is delightfully human. The title could just as well have been Pains the Butt :) The dumpster scene is very vivid as are the descriptions of Julia visiting the family. The lady complaining about how she cannot live on $4,800 a month was hilarious, especially given that $4,800 a month in NYC would not pay for a mortgage, maintenance, utilities, and other bare essentials. It was funny that she was worrying about music lessons and other upper-class sorts of things and complaining about having to show the receipts. How this lady ever lived on double the amount and afforded all those fancy things is beyond me. She sounded like somebody who REALLY lived WAY beyond her means. She was pathetic--and funny--a great characterization. I'd much prefer Don's geneology charts to that upper-class whining--would love to have them actually....(Hey Julia--can I trade my sister Vicki with you? You might like her. She doesn't bother with anybody. Then Don can trace MY geneology.) What confused me were the references to stores and products and creative artists I never heard of. Kroegers? Who did the CD? I think that eliminating some of those brand-specific things might make the story more universal. Most of us know Starbucks, but I wonder how Julia can afford those fancy drinks, given that she does not earn an upscale salary. I wasn't sure if Julia was a wannabe or not. Maybe the emphasis on brands was to show that Julia was snobbish although she couldn't really live that kind of life. Not sure. Other than that, I could identify completely with the story! It is, sans the brands, a very, very universal topic. And it's also a great illustration of "be careful what you wish for. You may get it." Send more! Love the theme–it would make a fabulous Twilight Zone episode. It just goes to show that people are people everywhere and sometimes we can really annoy one another. I particularly like that, in some places, Julia herself seems to be annoying too, such as not having the patience to listen to other people. She is delightfully human. The title could just as well have been Pains the Butt :)

The dumpster scene is very vivid as are the descriptions of Julia visiting the family. The lady complaining about how she cannot live on $4,800 a month was hilarious, especially given that $4,800 a month in NYC would not pay for a mortgage, maintenance, utilities, and other bare essentials. It was funny that she was worrying about music lessons and other upper-class sorts of things and complaining about having to show the receipts. How this lady ever lived on double the amount and afforded all those fancy things is beyond me. She sounded like somebody who REALLY lived WAY beyond her means. She was pathetic–and funny–a great characterization.

I’d much prefer Don’s geneology charts to that upper-class whining–would love to have them actually….(Hey Julia–can I trade my sister Vicki with you? You might like her. She doesn’t bother with anybody. Then Don can trace MY geneology.)

What confused me were the references to stores and products and creative artists I never heard of. Kroegers? Who did the CD? I think that eliminating some of those brand-specific things might make the story more universal. Most of us know Starbucks, but I wonder how Julia can afford those fancy drinks, given that she does not earn an upscale salary. I wasn’t sure if Julia was a wannabe or not. Maybe the emphasis on brands was to show that Julia was snobbish although she couldn’t really live that kind of life. Not sure.

Other than that, I could identify completely with the story! It is, sans the brands, a very, very universal topic. And it’s also a great illustration of “be careful what you wish for. You may get it.”

Send more!

]]> By: linnea http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/2009/10/relative-merits/comment-page-1/#comment-23 linnea Sat, 14 Nov 2009 22:20:11 +0000 http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/?p=231#comment-23 Interesting premise - new relatives for old. Of course not if I had Julia's luck! The only suggestion I have is to eliminate the reference to the coupon. It doesn't really move the story forward and wasn't referred to again. (unless I missed it) Good story. Interesting premise – new relatives for old. Of course not if I had Julia’s luck! The only suggestion I have is to eliminate the reference to the coupon. It doesn’t really move the story forward and wasn’t referred to again. (unless I missed it) Good story.

]]> By: trevor http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/2009/10/relative-merits/comment-page-1/#comment-15 trevor Thu, 12 Nov 2009 23:03:44 +0000 http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/?p=231#comment-15 I liked this story. Not sure offhand what would impprove it, but I think this may be a slight mixup of your characters..... "Heather found a box of Kraft macaroni and cheese in the cupboard and was just serving it when Heather dashed in to change for work—she was on the 8 p.m. to 4 a.m. shift." Presumably it was Julia who found the food stuff. I liked this story. Not sure offhand what would impprove it, but I think this may be a slight mixup of your characters…..
“Heather found a box of Kraft macaroni and cheese in the cupboard and was just serving it when Heather dashed in to change for work—she was on the 8 p.m. to 4 a.m. shift.”

Presumably it was Julia who found the food stuff.

]]> By: Jerry http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/2009/10/relative-merits/comment-page-1/#comment-5 Jerry Fri, 30 Oct 2009 11:33:45 +0000 http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/?p=231#comment-5 Great story, in the vein of the old "Twilight Zone" TV show. Great story, in the vein of the old “Twilight Zone” TV show.

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