The story has interesting ideas and Sammy makes a really good ‘Rosemary’(Rosemary’s Baby was a movie about a demonic cult wanting to ‘care’ for a child that was supposedly the devil’s son). There should be more about her and her desire for a child. Sometimes it would be better for us if we don’t find that ’special’ someone.

I too found typos, spell check is a life saver sometimes. I’d have bought it typos and all with a little more development.

Some very good stuff here, but a little confusing for this reader. Diary in early part of story was written in third person and diary in latter part of story written in first person. It might be helpful to clarify the story’s plot a bit more. Wasn’t clear to me who’s body the Devil was going to live in… or why Brian was in a coma… Did the Devil switch bodies. Was Brian going back into a coma? Good effort though and some well constructed sentences.

You might try breaking it into two pages at an appropriate point. It’s a bit long for one page. See the writers guidelines for how to do that.