Comments on: Short Story: Fatal Attraction

By: michelle

michelle — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 16:51:15 +0000

I think it’s interesting that this story is for adults but told through a six-year-old’s eyes. I’m sure some young children can be that decisive and strong and it seems Josie would be like that, considering the way she thinks about Rosemary. The ending almost made me feel like the man with the red car was Rosemary’s father. That’s sad, but just the mention of Rosemary at the end opened that up as a possibility.

By: linnea

linnea — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:50:30 +0000

Jerry – I’m glad you were surprised. My first version of this story went to Glimmer Train and ended as you expected – wondering what would happen to Josie. Glimmer Train liked the writing but said it was too predictable so I reworked it with a twist. Instead of Josie’s attraction to gummy bears proving fatal, the predator’s attraction to young children proved fatal.
Small children can be alarmingly aggressive toward adults. Unfortunately I saw it first hand when I volunteered in kindergarten and first grade. A real eye-opener.
No, this was not fear-driven and that’s the chilling part. Josie had no idea what the man had in mind. Her sole focus was on pleasing her teacher and being rewarded with the candy she loved.
I wrote the story after watching a newscast about a school incentive program designed to prompt very small children to be more environmentally friendly. To me it was fraught with danger. Small children do not have the life experience to make wise choices and will do almost anything to gain a desired reward. Coupled with the fact that the majority of small children, even after being taught to stay away from strangers, can still be easily drawn away with the right inducement, you have a recipe for disaster.

Bremda – Yes, this is a cautionary tale for adults told from a child’s perspective.

By: Brenda

Brenda — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:26:52 +0000

Is this story intended for first grade children? Is it a cautionary tale? Although the story has plenty of suspense, and certainly kept my attention (No, don’t do it! Don’t get in the car, little girl!) it would definitely be over the heads of most 6-year-olds. It’s tough, though, for someone with your sophisticated style and vocabulary to simplify without condescending, and you clearly respect your audience too much to condescend.

By: admin

admin — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:33:47 +0000

In a way I liked the happy ending, though I felt a bit of surprise. When Josie got in the car, I was prepared for either a very sad ending or being left wondering what bad things were in store for her.

Though I’m glad Josie prevailed, I wonder if a first-grader could really be that strong, decisive, and aggressive against an adult man. It didn’t even seem to be fear-driven adrenaline that fueled her ability to wrest control from him.