Comments on: Women’s Christmas Ensemble

By: michelle

michelle — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 16:49:37 +0000

This story made me smile and I too think romance at Christmas is lovely. The story feels enthusiastic.

By: jeannie

jeannie — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 21:45:30 +0000

Hi Guys, made some changes. What ya think?

By: jeannie

jeannie — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 21:03:57 +0000

Thanks, guys. I’ve made some changes. What do you think?

By: linnea

linnea — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:16:04 +0000

Romance at Christmas. What could be better
A minor suggestion. In the line – his lovely voice definitely sticks out – I think I’d change ’sticks’ to ’stands’. She thought his voice was lovely and saying something sticks out makes me think of sore thumbs, not so lovely.

By: Brenda

Brenda — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:19:33 +0000

Jeannie,

I admit I’m a sucker for feel-good stories, especially at Christmas. As Jerry said, a touch more conflict would make things more interesting. Maybe there could be some misunderstanding, so that Aaron thinks that Abbey is married or engaged, or something, so there would be a bit more suspense. Will they get together, or won’t they?

However, I like the story a lot. It made me smile. The characters are believeable and likeable.

By: jeannie

jeannie — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:12:54 +0000

Thanks for the feedback, Jerry. I’ll have to think of some intriguing danger . Also, thanks for opening the comment block. It sort of disappeared – having trouble centering the breaks, however, this feature is currently not on the toolbar. But, that could change. For some reason, over time, more icons appeared. Perhaps it is my browser.

Thanks again! J.

By: admin

admin — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:13:03 +0000

A pleasant “feel-good” story. Even though it’s brief, a hint of danger or conflict would increase my interest.

Some suggestions: Try a transition symbol as the scenes change, something like 3 blank lines with ### centered in the middle line between scenes such as when Abbey is arranging music.

Regarding the piano out of tune, I think Abbey means we’ll have to make do, not make due.
Is so-prano hyphenated? I’m not a music person but always thought of it as a single word.

Oh, and somehow comments were closed on this so I opened them by checking the box toward the bottom of your editing page.