Comments on: Edith and Albert http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/2009/12/edith-and-albert/ The Showcase for Fiction Writers Thu, 02 Feb 2012 14:22:23 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Tel http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/2009/12/edith-and-albert/comment-page-1/#comment-96 Tel Tue, 08 Dec 2009 05:28:24 +0000 http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/?p=506#comment-96 Great short short story, John. Well done! Yup, perhaps a bit more descriptive jitters from Edith whilst in the car, to build the momentum of the angst and guilt put together. Hindsight: Before reading the last three paragraphs, I had the same story ending in my mind. Great short short story, John. Well done!
Yup, perhaps a bit more descriptive jitters from Edith whilst in the car, to build the momentum of the angst and guilt put together.

Hindsight: Before reading the last three paragraphs, I had the same story ending in my mind.

]]> By: Brenda http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/2009/12/edith-and-albert/comment-page-1/#comment-95 Brenda Fri, 04 Dec 2009 16:15:04 +0000 http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/?p=506#comment-95 There are a number of typos, but the story flows along nicely. The part about the car not starting could be developed more to let us share Edith's growing anxiety over being discovered. Thanks for contributing. I'm looking forward to reading your next story. There are a number of typos, but the story flows along nicely. The part about the car not starting could be developed more to let us share Edith’s growing anxiety over being discovered. Thanks for contributing. I’m looking forward to reading your next story.

]]> By: admin http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/2009/12/edith-and-albert/comment-page-1/#comment-92 admin Thu, 03 Dec 2009 18:54:01 +0000 http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/?p=506#comment-92 It might have been more suspenseful leading up to the ending if she hadn't been sure whether Albert had seen her. She would be hoping he hadn't, of course, but would have had to prepare for the conflict if he had seen her. Then the ending might have been a bit more of a shock and surprise to me. First paragraph, "Not to worry, she though," probably should be she thought. Good short story, thanks for contributing. It might have been more suspenseful leading up to the ending if she hadn’t been sure whether Albert had seen her. She would be hoping he hadn’t, of course, but would have had to prepare for the conflict if he had seen her. Then the ending might have been a bit more of a shock and surprise to me.

First paragraph, “Not to worry, she though,” probably should be she thought.

Good short story, thanks for contributing.

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