Comments on: Joelle’s Discovery – Part One

By: michelle

michelle — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 19:28:35 +0000

Thanks. I made this an excerpt rather than a short story because it doesn’t feel finished to me either. I have more in store for these characters.

By: Brenda

Brenda — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 14:50:19 +0000

I agree with John that the story needs a stronger ending, but the characters are very well-drawn and the setting is described in such careful detail that it is easy to picture. I found myself interested in the characters and wanting them to move into the beloved, old house. My grandmother had an old house with an attic full of stuff, too. The attic was always hot in summer and cold in winter, and it had a distinct smell that I can clearly remember.

I think the phrase, “may bring a pretty penny” would work better as “could bring a pretty penny.”

By: jhglimmerveen

jhglimmerveen — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 20:54:57 +0000

Nice story, but I was anticipating more at the end.

Regards: John