Comments on: Quest for Onepus – Part 3

By: Bennett

Bennett — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 17:10:20 +0000

I am enjoying this as I go along. If I were writing it I might adopt some more attitude to differentiate between the characters. (eg. adopt a catch phrase that Larson uses that is appropriately hermit-like or write in some more ‘girly’ comment that only she uses.) Both seem to be pleasantly introspective and the potential for love- platonic or otherwise is certainly evident. The interplay between the pair holds my interest! I think that she might be a bit more explosive about ‘being right’ about her decision about Able without explaining. Builds tension between them and when she turns out to be right, he has something to apologize for.

By: Brenda

Brenda — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 13:02:54 +0000

This story gets better and better! I did notice, however, that you used “to” when you meant “too.” “Too” close to God. I’m looking forward to the next chapter.

By: Tasja

Tasja — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 04:15:01 +0000

Thanks Jerry, I’m glad you’re enjoying it. I’m really hoping this story will take off and I’m rather attached to the characters! Thanks for reminding me about the tags, everytime I go to tag my writing, I forget to hit “add.”

By: Jerry

Jerry — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 11:16:23 +0000

I’m getting more and more interested in this story as we go along. I do believe it’s unfolding as a love story, or at least an adventure story with a love component, so I’m going to add the Love tag – February’s theme.