Comments on: Sara http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/2010/02/sara/ The Showcase for Fiction Writers Thu, 02 Feb 2012 14:22:23 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Brenda http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/2010/02/sara/comment-page-1/#comment-188 Brenda Mon, 22 Feb 2010 13:19:52 +0000 http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/?p=1142#comment-188 I suggest you change the part about meeting Sara's eyes for the first time. It sounds too literal, like your eyes physically dropped out of your head and into hers. Perhaps something along the lines of, "I looked down and met her big, brown eyes. Those expressive eyes would hold me captive with their gaze for years to come." A very good description of love. I suggest you change the part about meeting Sara’s eyes for the first time. It sounds too literal, like your eyes physically dropped out of your head and into hers. Perhaps something along the lines of, “I looked down and met her big, brown eyes. Those expressive eyes would hold me captive with their gaze for years to come.”

A very good description of love.

]]> By: Jerry http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/2010/02/sara/comment-page-1/#comment-187 Jerry Mon, 22 Feb 2010 12:01:14 +0000 http://www.fictionwritersplatform.net/?p=1142#comment-187 Poignant. Fact or fiction? Not quite a story, more than a poem, not quite sure how I'd label it...but I do like it. It sticks with me and causes me to want more. That's a good sign. Glad you joined us Amy! Poignant. Fact or fiction? Not quite a story, more than a poem, not quite sure how I’d label it…but I do like it. It sticks with me and causes me to want more. That’s a good sign. Glad you joined us Amy!

]]>