I Think Dad Said a Rude Word

What follows is a story written for 4th or 5th graders but I hope enjoyable for all. Some parts of this happened in my own family.

My dad was never much for conversation at breakfast. Usually he would read the newspaper and make grunting noises until the second cup of coffee was gone. Then he’d be off to work most days.

One time I heard him say a whole sentence at breakfast. We were sitting at the table. I was reading the cereal box. I guess I got that habit from my dad. My little brother was dropping his spoon on the floor and my sisters were bickering among themselves as usual.

By the way, my name is Nicolas, I got that from my dad too. You can call me Nick. I’m not very interesting. I’m just a normal eleven year old boy. I like riding my bike, skateboarding and playing baseball. I like hot dogs, hamburgers and french fries. I like blue jeans and tee shirts and sometimes I like to wear that gel stuff in my hair that makes it all spikey like the grass grows out around the ball field where they don’t mow it so much. I’m just regular old Nick.

I tell everyone who asks that that is my nickname too. You can sometimes tell if the person is paying attention to what you say ’cause someone who is listening usually laughs at that.

Yes, it was an ordinary weekday morning, the morning I heard my dad say a whole sentence before breakfast. Until mom brought him a coffee cup only about 2/3rds full. She must have been thinking about something else like maybe picking up little Geoffrey’s spoon because usually she takes really good care of all of us.

And Dad usually needs it the most at that time of day.

That morning the coffee cup disappeared behind the paper and came right back out. Dad’s voice came from behind the paper:

“Gimme some coffee!” grumbled out onto the table. Mom bustled right over and filled the cup. That time is the only time I can think of a whole sentence from him with a subject and a verb and everything at breakfast.

After breakfast, why you can hardly get him to shut up and he’ll tell you all kinds of interesting things. Once he told me that the word breakfast came from two words. Break and fast got stuck together but that fast didn’t mean quickly. It really meant a time when you stop eating. So, when you break your fast, you start eating. I guess that makes sense but if he is wrong then fast food – You know, hamburgers and french fries would be the perfect breakfast.

I tried that logic with my mom but she didn’t buy it. I’m guessing that it won’t work with your mom either, so don’t even bother trying it.

Breakfast isn’t what I really came to talk about. I just wanted you to understand my parents. Well, as much as anyone can, anyway!

One morning it was really dark when I woke up. The sun was peeking little orangey pink streamers into the sky outside my bedroom window. I was lying in bed just enjoying the morning. Birds were beginning to chirp and the world seemed to be getting a start slowly.

I heard the bathroom door and my father stumbling in to get ready for work.

Suddenly horrible noises came out of the bathroom. I jumped up to go and look. I didn’t understand most of the words coming out of my dad’s mouth but I’m pretty sure I am not allowed to say most of them. There was foam coming out of his mouth too!

Dad’s face was all reddish and his eyes were wide open. Veins stood out on his forehead which made me worry. I started to back away in case whatever he had was catching but all the other kids except Geoffrey were right behind me. Dad was alternating yelling and spitting into the sink. The toothbrush was lying on the sink right beside my tube of hair gel.

Then my mom hustled all of us back to our rooms.

I’m pretty sure I didn’t put the gel tube on the shelf beside the toothpaste. But I might not have been paying attention.

I waited until after breakfast to tell him I was sorry. He didn’t blame me but I still felt sorry, just in case it was my fault. He did say his coffee didn’t taste quite right that morning. Then he laughed.

He’s still taking me to the ballgame this weekend, so I guess it is probably all okay.

This work is copyright 2010 by Circulogian Publishing, All Rights Reserved.

I Think Dad Said a Rude Word4.457