Comments for Fiction Writers' Platform

Comment on The Cleansing by Brenda

Brenda — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 14:22:23 +0000

Ugh. I don’t care for misogynist fantasy. It’s painful to watch a vulnerable character stripped of all dignity and then bitten by a vampire.

Comment on Cupid’s Compromise by Brenda

Brenda — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 14:11:24 +0000

This is a sweet Valentine’s Day story.

Comment on A Soldier’s Story by Brenda

Brenda — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 13:47:12 +0000

Another excellent story, Horst. What was the significance of the officer who somehow knew the narrator was a soldier? Was he in uniform? If so, then why didn’t his rescuers recognize that he was a soldier? However, this is very nicely written. Watch your nouns and pronouns to avoid confusion, as in “A big fallen tree trunk lay half hidden by the snow. I brushed it away with my arm, sat down and leaned against a tall pine tree.” Worded this way, it suggests that he brushed away the big fallen tree with his arm.

I always enjoy your stories.

Comment on Holy Water by michelle

michelle — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 21:12:26 +0000

I find it interesting that just as her husband leaves her, instead of thinking back on the happiness they had earlier in their marriage (if there was any), she thinks about how she wanted to be a writer and never made much of that dream. Seems to me that she thinks it’s her husband that held her back as a writer, but when he’s no longer in her life, that’s what she thinks of, yet still doesn’t do anything to follow that dream. That being said, I agree with Brenda that Ruth seems to have given up from the start.

Comment on Survival by Brenda

Brenda — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 20:57:07 +0000

While not a zombie fan, I have to say that I do appreciate this well-written bit of zombie lit. One question, though. Why does the little girl seem so inanimate? He looks her over and throws her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and she is about as responsive as one. Perhaps there is back story here of which I am unaware.

Comment on The Colorful Kidnapping by Brenda

Brenda — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 20:52:08 +0000

How imaginative! I like this story very much. There are a lot of details here. I think the story would flow better if you judiciously left a few of them out. Why and how does she have the ability to activate gills? Do you need the robot nanny character? I think you could bring this story into sharper focus.

Comment on Henry the Gentle Giant Conquers the Seaweed Sea Serpents by Brenda

Brenda — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 20:43:58 +0000

I love your descriptions in this story, especially of the sea serpents. The flower names, liondandies and daisey dews are also delightful. How did Henry know that the sea serpents were afraid of crabs?

Comment on Holy Water by Brenda

Brenda — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 20:37:22 +0000

Carol, take a careful look back over this and look for small errors like their/they’re and bear/bare. The writing has a beautiful, lyrical quality, but I feel this story is missing any real conflict. Ruth seems to have given up from the start. I thought you were going to present Ruth with a chance for change, so that we could see her character come up against a challenge. The story might still end in despair, but there would be more of a plot to it.

Comment on Holy Water by Steve Y,

Steve Y, — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 09:25:22 +0000

Typical of Carol, she takes the mundane and makes it thought provoking. I always enjoy reading her stories.

Comment on Henry the Gentle Giant Conquers the Seaweed Sea Serpents by michelle

michelle — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 16:25:55 +0000

Ah, the picking on Henry brings me right back to grade school. Henry is very gracious about it! This is quite an imaginative story that I think kids would find interesting. Your descriptions are good and I can picture everything well. I especially like the use of colour, with the blue and green sea and all the different colours of sea serpents.